I know it is late but the French have surpassed themselves in sneakiness. The 'Alien-Headed One' managed to molest a ball twice, yes twice and then bundle the ball across the 6 yard box to 'The Miserable Average One' to score in late, late extra time. One example, but more have come to light recently too! Andre Agassi smoked Meth whilst still on the ATP tour and that South Africa fella won the ladies 800-meter gold at the World Championships. However I would like to see this trend continue in other sports. Snooker would be hilarious; when players start taking turns to try and slyly drop balls into pockets without anyone seeing as they mince around the table. Or darts; where those fats cunts would try and sneak ever closer to the board until their chins are touching the bull and they are just placing the darts in the board.

This really confuses me more than anything else, however confusion still leads to scene. Although I would love to know what Fearne Cotton happens to be doing at 3a.m., in bed, in just her underwear, with just her hands for company... she would never REALLY let me know what shes up to. That would be too creepy for her. The same goes for following football players tweettering themselves crazy before kick-off because they got dropped (because theyre shite). That is what the match day programme is for surely? I know a few people that read this list do in fact follow people that wouldn't talk to them in real life, I hope this doesn't upset you: YOU ARE SCENE.

Like Cheryl Cole but covered in lumpy marsupial shit. This woman is like Starbucks... FUCKING EVERYWHERE! She is hideous and everyone that reads those bastard mags like MORE! (you know who you are) perpetuate this myth that she is a human with normal human frailties. This she is not. She is a B-Movie monster with implants and as of now scene.

They seem to be everywhere right now, the docu-mocku-found-footage style film oft' used for horror and sci-fi flicks when there is no budget or no interest from someone to fund it. All started with Blair Witch (surely? - more likely Cannibal Holocaust in 1980) others include Cloverfield and most recently Paranormal Activity. This doesn't even annoy me, it just came to me that there are an awful lot of these style films. Maybe scraping the barrel for ideas and twists? Maybe not.

C'mon this debate has been dragging on for months (in my head). He has gotta be gay, to be working with Holly Willa-booby and not get caught looking at those beauts is a sure sign! Take The Cube as well, surely a Silver Fox idea dreamt up after a BDSM escapade somewhere in Hampstead Heath! "Can you cottage in The Cube?!" asks the big butch voice of The Cube whilst The Body is all gimped up inside. It could be that this debate exists solely in my mind and that I have dreamt up this confusion. Perhaps it is caused by some subconscious desire to canoodle with the Silver Fox and let him wear me like Gordon the Gopher. But the veil of heterosexuality is slipping and one day the News Of The World will have a cover story of how The Silver Fox has been found being savaged by a contraption built by The Cube designers in an undercover investigation. (Hopefully The Silver Fox can take a joke and will not desire to sue over such suggestions like certain Level 7 Operating Thetans when someone questions their sexual desires)

A license should have to be obtained in order to use these major pieces of technology. When using, these people seem to lose all sense of personal space and general intelligence. You have a massive object above your head defending you from that dangerous substance known as water and that is also dangerous to other's sight. I swear to Fonz that these cunts intentionally go out of their way to make everyone else that doesn't own this scene technology FUCKING DIFFICULT. Then they have the cheek to look at you like you owe them the space they have taken up using that massive GOLF umbrella waiting for the bus. WRONG ANSWER. This is my space. STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE.

A picture speaks a thousand words.

More importantly 'Apps' for the bastard machine thing, iPhone. "Do you need to split a bill between three people for a meal? Theres an App for that." IT'S CALLED A CALCULATOR! Every App I have ever seen used (ALWAYS IN FUCKING PUBLIC) is shite. A mate has an App for making things level, as in a spirit level. Yes for people that put up a lot of shelves etc, and have an iPhone it's fantastic. The fact that this App couldn't tell the difference between level and a ski jump ramp, but entirely useful? NO, just scene.

I'm bored of this biblical level of flooding or more specifically the reporting of it. Yes bridges fell down and people will have to clean their carpets for the first time in 8 years but can it not take up half of the six o'clock news? I'm half-expecting Noah to come sailing into Cockermouth. The people of Cumbria I apologise, but if you will live on a flood plain you are SCENE (for the time being, until your socks have dried).

SERIOUSLY SCENE SERIOUSLY ANNOYING. The whole bullshit of Team Jacob vs Team Edward. I've heard that certain female cinemagoers have witessed women actually gasp when some douche rips off his top in the new film. This however is not the cause of motherfuckingtwightvampires entry onto the scene list. It IS the fucking non-stop bullshit on the radio, TV and t'internet. EVEN FROM PEOPLE I USUALLY LIKE! Anyone who watches True Blood will know that necro-abstinence is not essential. It's completely infuriating and more importantly scene.